February 15, 2008

New Immigration Law: The Case for Moron Apartheid...

I didn't plan to write another note ranting about things that annoy me...I like to think I'm a fairly calm and happy person. But! When I switched on my PC this morning, something kind of pissed me off, and I thought I'd share it.

See, I had a nice message on my Facebook page, so I logged in...and then on my home page I saw something that really pressed my buttons: "[someone on my friends list] joined the group I Was Born In The Uk. So Why The Fuck Do I Have Less Rights Then Immigrants."

Now that made me think: A rhetorical question maybe? But of course not true...so do they really mean "why do immigrants have the same rights as me?"

Either way, whatever they think they mean, I wanted to ask the group author: If you were born in the UK, you moron, why did you forget the question mark, write 'then' instead of 'than', and 'less rights' instead of 'fewer rights'...oh...and it's 'UK' not 'Uk'? Is it because you're an idiot?

So following the natural train of thought, I felt like answering the question, and I went to the page: The illiterate author has written a long defence of her "non-racial" group, which is apparently about "freedom" and not aimed at "hard working immigrants who we need". I couldn't help wondering then why the big picture of convicted criminal "Abu Hamza" was relevant (now in the US of course, not the UK), or why the intro then quoted a long piece from some right wing Australian politician about how Muslims who wanted to live according to Sharia should leave the country. OK, so now we get what this group is really about. Anyway, I couldn't post without joining, which is an humiliation too far. So hence another rant here...

Thought train rolling on, I wondered whether a counter-proposal might be useful: Personally I think it might be quite a good idea to stop immigration - migration is sufficient surely to fill the labour market, and perhaps the only issue is giving nationality to immigrants after such a short period? After all, I didn't get a Saudi passport for working in that country for four and a half years, and I can hardly say that's unfair. So let's give the "Why the Fuck" team the benefit of the doubt for a minute, accept their nationalist logic, and carry that philosophy on to the next step:

Apparently, the issue is only with scroungers and non-useful people who choose to live in the UK. Fine. But what about Ms "Why the Fuck"? Despite benefitting from free state education for at least eleven years, she is unable to communicate accurately in English. *Ping* I can see a red light on the anti-immigration monitor: Bad English equals poor integration. Sorry Ms "Why the Fuck", you do not meet the Britishness criteria, and will be deported to a place designed for lower social achievement. I am thinking perhaps some large internment centre somewhere outside Swansea.

Is internment too harsh? I wonder what Ms "Why the Fuck" would recommend? More importantly, what will other countries do in response? What about British immigrants elsewhere? Now it's true that a lot of British expatriates, perhaps the vast majority, are really migrants rather than immigrants, for instance if you look around the GCC. But it still makes me wonder about the "Why the Fuck" philosophy regarding social integration. Apparently, Muslims who want to live like Muslims in Western countries should all be sent somewhere else. So what about the eighty thousand or so British people who live in the GCC? Are they living like Saudis or should they really be sent home straight away?

Maybe those Brits who have emigrated more permanently to other Western countries are in a better situation? There are hundreds of thousands in southern Spain, but have they really become Spanish? On my limited experience most of them don't actually speak any Spanish, or think it's important... they certainly don't consider themselves Spanish. So what happens if they get deported? God help us! 

Imagine all those fifty-something women with their enormous gold jewellery and tobacco-coloured lizard necks...waiting at the checkout in Tesco's for someone to pack up their shopping for them...the morbidly obese couples in their matching bermuda shorts banging on the door of the pub at eleven a.m demanding the first sangria of the day...and how many more members of the "Why the Fuck" brigade coming back to the mothership? Have you ever noticed how the longer someone has spent living outside the UK, the more racist and small-minded they seem to become?!

Ms "Why the Fuck" needs to balance these conflicting interests carefully: Apart from her own internment on the grounds of sub-British fuckwittery, she is missing the real immigration risk: If she deports anyone who she doesn't think is properly British....what happens if all ours are sent BACK?!

But anyway, here's my proposal to all you members of the "Why the Fuck" Daily Mail-reading fraternity: If you make any more noise for an idealised version of British society in which everyone looks the same, works hard, speaks good English and behaves well all the time, then make sure your house is in order because I'd like to return the compliment to you: The next time you piss or vomit in the street when you're drunk out of your tiny mind, the next time you call in "sick" because you've got a hangover, the next time you fail to turn up for church on Sunday in your "Christian country" and the next time you put an apostrophe in the wrong place or split an infinitive, be warned: Hand over that burgundy passport and move to the back of the bus, because by your own criteria, it really is you who are the second class citizens. :p