May 23, 2011

Air Conditioning for the Retarded

Here's just something that came up in conversation yesterday:

My personal bodyguard and origami instructor, Nobby Knuckles, and I were chatting last eve.  All of a sudden, Nobby took leave of the conversation for a moment to "close the AC, it's freezing in here", at which point I was moved to wonder:  Why is it that people set the thermostat on the air conditioning to a temperature far lower than they actually want?

Most people who have air conditioning have lived with it for many years.  Some have never known a house without it.  And given the almost British obsession with the weather found among Omanis (and the specifically Khaleeji obsession with temperature), I would have thought that by now most people would know what represented a comfortable temperature for them.  For most people, it's somewhere around 23.5 degrees Celsius.

So, why set your air conditioning the task of moving the air temperature in your room to 16 degrees?  The only conclusion I can reach is that Nobby K, along with millions of others, believes the air conditioner to have some kind of personality, along with the supernatural ability to dick around with the laws of thermodynamics.  Now Nobby is a down to earth sort, and very opposed to any supernatural ideas.  

Yet Nobby and so many others seem to think that if the temperature is, say, 27, and they set the desired level to 23, the air conditioner will underestimate the task.  Perhaps just take its time.  Stop for a cup of tea.  "I'll get round to it in a minute", says Mr Air Conditioner, "I'm just watching the end of Seinfeld and I haven't seen this one".  After all they've only been asked for a relatively small task.  "Shove it down four degrees?  Yeah, no biggie...won't take long, so I'll just finish this cuppa and take a look when I'm ready, alright?"

That is just not on.  Air conditioners must not be lazy!  So Nobby sets out to trick Mr Air Conditioner - get him into a bit of a lather.  Panic stations!  Because, conversely, if they set the level to the absolute minimum, the peak of possibilities in air conditioner-world, then Mr Air Conditioner will really take notice:  "Damn" he will say. "Nobby Knuckles has just asked for 16 degrees Celsius!  That's miles away! I'd better get right on with it if I'm going to reach there before Arabs Got Talent starts".

Mr AC will obviously be so excited by the challenge of racing to the thermal basement, that he will go about the cooling process twice as fast, getting to the desired 23 degrees in but a fraction of the time it would have taken if that's what had been requested.  Perhaps in his haste, Mr AC will call in all the other AC's on the roof to help:  "Shuffle over here boys would you and give me a hand...yeah you too from next door, come on over will you?  Nobby has got a right cool-on and it's going to take me forever at this rate..that's it...point your compressors this way...HEAVE!!!!"

Then once it gets to about 22, or 21, Nobby feels a bit of a chill.  Turns it off.  Until it gets warm again, and Nobby again requests an urgent 16.  It doesn't help, Nobby!  The AC is on or the AC is off.  Adjust the fan speed if you must.  But the rest of it is simple 0 or 1.  Basically, stop turning the AC on and off, and pick the temperature you actually want.  That little box on the wall with the numbers on it does that job for you, so being a human thermostat instead is a bit silly.

You know I respect you, Nobby.  But for a third dan origami black belt and international bantamweight champion shit-kicker, you're an idiot.

3 comments:

TripleTee said...

Having quite a laugh back there.
Where's Nobby Knuckle's sparring gloves when she needs them?

Origami.... XD
---

Arabs: what can we say? It's too true a post to have any good come backs.


*throws einstein on surfer*

Anonymous said...

The sparing gloves?

It is far too hot to wear gloves...



...unless you chill the room down to 16 degrees...

Anonymous said...

Your not only hilarious but genius! I just found your blog through another whom i "follow" and i have to say i can't stop reading.. What else can i say other than great minds think alike, and even greater minds say what they mean, mean what they say and go on temporary vacations with their thoughts bringing us all at a stand still. bravo!